A sister has emailed to say this:
"I am hoping you would be able to help me or to provide some direction. I am a young Muslim woman and I want to marry a catholic man, we have both discussed different options but are both very strong believers in our own religions and it would not make sense for either to convert."
She needs some help and, of course, she needs to be helped with her issue with this marriage.
However, a fundamental question raises itself here as to what is this help she thinks she needs?
The answer is also very obvious. She wants help with the procedure of getting married, perhaps someone to perform their Nikah/religious ceremony or issue a Fatwah (legal Islamic ruling to say 'it is permissible').
But is it really possible for this 'cross religious' (or as they put it, inter-faith) marriage to be valid?
in other words;
Is it even valid in the eyes of God for a Muslim female to marry a non-Muslim?
We need to know this fundamental fact that Marriage in Islamic teachings is not only a sacred act but also a form and act of faith/worshipping God/ الأمر التعبدي . a means of pleasing God.
So one can not worship God in their own personal preferred way but it is rather fixed by God Himself التوقيفي in this case.
Furthermore, and more fundamentally, when we claim that we do believe in God, what do we actually mean by that?
Belief in God in Islam equals an unequivocal and unqualified trust and love of God.
When we trust Him we trust His eternal wisdom and as a result we obey His commands with this principle in mind that whatever He orders is the only best option available for us.
With this (unqualified Trust and Love) in mind, we would now start to see clearly that the very limitations we thought were restrictions are actually rather a means of our protection.
The loving, caring and merciful God wants to protect us from harm; physical, psychological, mental, emotional and spiritual harm of any kind whatsoever. Just like a mother, out of love and care, wants to protect her young child and so she asks them not to go outside the house late at night etc. that is a measure of protection and not just restriction for the sake of it, which the child sometime does not understand.
God wants to protect our faith and that is one of the main purposes of Shariah called حفظ الدين , hence He asks us to stay away from certain acts and this (marrying someone of another faith) is one such command. As one of the most beautiful act for a Muslim spouse is to stand together with their spouse and children in prayer in front of their Lord but how can that be done in the case of both spouses having different religions?
in Islam, men are also asked not to marry a woman of different faith and God says:
"And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. Those invite you to the fir (Hell), but Allah invites to Paradise and forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear his verses to the people that perhaps they may remember." Quran 2:221
Finally, while attraction is not a choice, love is mostly a choice. One can choose not to dwell upon a person's good qualities and become enamored by them. It takes effort, and it's much easier to do early on rather than after feelings have developed. This is similar to homosexual urges that are the subject of many sob stories: it requires mujahadah/serious effort and it's a part of takleef/moral accountability.
One of the most important thing for the sister is to realize is that it is kufr/disbelief for her to believe that marrying him is permissible. For her to live a life of sin is, without exaggeration, infinitely better than for her to believe that it is permissible to marry him, as the latter is kufr.
She can be a bad Muslim instead of being a non-Muslim.
Of course, the problem with living a life of sin is that the pressure of cognitive dissonance can lead her to accept her lifestyle as being acceptable, and thus to fall into kufr eventually.
We pray Allah help our brothers and sisters in similar dilemma and make it easy for them to find better Muslim spouses to preserve their faith and to resist the evil from wherever they come, ameen.
"I am hoping you would be able to help me or to provide some direction. I am a young Muslim woman and I want to marry a catholic man, we have both discussed different options but are both very strong believers in our own religions and it would not make sense for either to convert."
She needs some help and, of course, she needs to be helped with her issue with this marriage.
However, a fundamental question raises itself here as to what is this help she thinks she needs?
The answer is also very obvious. She wants help with the procedure of getting married, perhaps someone to perform their Nikah/religious ceremony or issue a Fatwah (legal Islamic ruling to say 'it is permissible').
But is it really possible for this 'cross religious' (or as they put it, inter-faith) marriage to be valid?
in other words;
Is it even valid in the eyes of God for a Muslim female to marry a non-Muslim?
We need to know this fundamental fact that Marriage in Islamic teachings is not only a sacred act but also a form and act of faith/worshipping God/ الأمر التعبدي . a means of pleasing God.
So one can not worship God in their own personal preferred way but it is rather fixed by God Himself التوقيفي in this case.
Furthermore, and more fundamentally, when we claim that we do believe in God, what do we actually mean by that?
Belief in God in Islam equals an unequivocal and unqualified trust and love of God.
When we trust Him we trust His eternal wisdom and as a result we obey His commands with this principle in mind that whatever He orders is the only best option available for us.
With this (unqualified Trust and Love) in mind, we would now start to see clearly that the very limitations we thought were restrictions are actually rather a means of our protection.
The loving, caring and merciful God wants to protect us from harm; physical, psychological, mental, emotional and spiritual harm of any kind whatsoever. Just like a mother, out of love and care, wants to protect her young child and so she asks them not to go outside the house late at night etc. that is a measure of protection and not just restriction for the sake of it, which the child sometime does not understand.
God wants to protect our faith and that is one of the main purposes of Shariah called حفظ الدين , hence He asks us to stay away from certain acts and this (marrying someone of another faith) is one such command. As one of the most beautiful act for a Muslim spouse is to stand together with their spouse and children in prayer in front of their Lord but how can that be done in the case of both spouses having different religions?
in Islam, men are also asked not to marry a woman of different faith and God says:
"And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. Those invite you to the fir (Hell), but Allah invites to Paradise and forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear his verses to the people that perhaps they may remember." Quran 2:221
Finally, while attraction is not a choice, love is mostly a choice. One can choose not to dwell upon a person's good qualities and become enamored by them. It takes effort, and it's much easier to do early on rather than after feelings have developed. This is similar to homosexual urges that are the subject of many sob stories: it requires mujahadah/serious effort and it's a part of takleef/moral accountability.
One of the most important thing for the sister is to realize is that it is kufr/disbelief for her to believe that marrying him is permissible. For her to live a life of sin is, without exaggeration, infinitely better than for her to believe that it is permissible to marry him, as the latter is kufr.
She can be a bad Muslim instead of being a non-Muslim.
Of course, the problem with living a life of sin is that the pressure of cognitive dissonance can lead her to accept her lifestyle as being acceptable, and thus to fall into kufr eventually.
We pray Allah help our brothers and sisters in similar dilemma and make it easy for them to find better Muslim spouses to preserve their faith and to resist the evil from wherever they come, ameen.
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